Things we learn by age two

Some friends of mine and I were talking the other day about human development, and how quickly we learn. As I thought more about how we develop – and when we develop, my thoughts turned to a time not too long ago when my son had just turned two years old. By that age, so much has already been learned.


Who we are

We learn to define ourselves by what we control. As a newborn and through the earliest months, consciousness seems to begin at the head and work its way through the body. First there is blinking, crying, and eating. In discovering the id, the child recognizes the head as distinctly part of him – since it is under his control. Descartes would be proud: I blink, therefore it must be me - I exist!

After a time, he might notice that the arm waving in front of his face is also under his control, so he mentally assigns that as a part of him as well.  Soon, he understands that his entire body is his, and to some extent under his control.  He has identified himself.

Identification doesn't stop there.  The definition of existence, in this context, is that which we can control.  As we grow and mature, we learn that we can control things outside of our bodies as well.  A well-sounded cry will bring a big person to come and help if needed.  Rolling around on the floor might make that big person give comfort.  Throwing food and toys can cause all sorts of excitement that, over time, becomes predictable.  Since control extends beyond the body, then existence must also, right? :)

And of course, we all want to be as big as we can be, especially since bigger people can do more things than littler people - at least in the eyes of a two-year-old.

Who loves us

By age two we also are learning who loves us.  These are the people that deliver that unconditional, God-modeled type of love; willing to do things for us, knowing that we are fully incapable of doing things for ourselves.The list of those that love us is usually short:  Daddy, Mommy, Grandma, Grandpa, etc.

Our worth depends on others

While existence depends on what we can control, young children also demonstrate that self-worth is fully dependent on others.  This worth is measured through love and attention.

A hug, a smile, a pat on the back or simple "good job!" can be the best feeling in the world.  It shows both love and attention:  I exist and I am valued.

If no hugs, et al are available, the next best thing would be to get attention without love.  Even if the value isn't positive, I affirm that I exist and that I matter.  My reward for screaming, tantrums, etc. might be scolding, angry words, or a light pop on the bottom.  Not great, but I'll take what I can get. :)

Finally, the worst is to be ignored.  If my worth depends on others, then to be ignored is to be nothing.  No love, no attention.  How to become something more than nothing?  Misbehave!

Finiteness and scarcity

Finally, there is the lesson that there are limited resources in the world

• There is only so much food on the table


• There is only one toy guitar


• There is only one Mommy, Daddy, and so on

As a result, there is a phase where children want as much as they can get, because they realize they may not get more.

Kicker

As I watch my child grow, learn, and develop, it reminds me that these behaviors do not stop at age two.  I see adults grappling with existence, love and attention, self worth, and limited resources.  These needs can lead to strong relationships or broken homes; great leadership or destructive quests for power; building of society or forced extraction of resources.Suddenly I feel young again.  But in a naive sort of way.  There's still so much to learn.